"Before taking a dive, feel the water first.  It shouldn't be too hot enough to burn you yet warm enough to rouse you in."

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It's funny how the facilitators kept on repeating the word 'rest' as the very essence of a spiritual retreat while I was at the rear part of the room listening and yet preferring more the literal meaning of the word 'retreat' than the said essence.  True, retreat is a "rest" and the refuge in Caleruega, Nasugbu, Batangas is magnificently conducive to anyone who wants to liberate himself for a while from the rigors of a stressful life these days.  But one of the thesaurus meanings of the word which is to GO BACK hit me just harder.  Yes, if it means travelling back to the "caveman days" when muscular and almost naked cavemen were hunting boars using their huge clubs for their cavewomen then so be it.  No pun intended, really.  But practically, to go back is as simple as the word 'simple.'  To go back to a simple way of life that is.  Yes, those simple things that underline life's greatest.  Like listening to a person's life stories than listening through your iPOD earphones.  Like feeling the warmth of even a single pat on the back than the warmth produced through the vent of an overused computer.  And the sensation of burning eyes due to a weep brought by a whispered appreciation than due to tired eyes caused by too much burning of midnight oil.  There are many important things that were discussed by the retreat facilitators and the most 'striking' for me was the indifference of many people towards the other.  I've been somehow guilty of this and I strongly realized that I deserve to be persecuted by some of my classmates by a simple reason of NOT talking with them.  Most of my classmates gave me the blue one symbolically remarking that I'm a mysterious kind of guy whom they want to know well, only if they really mean it.  And that's collectively one tough evidence I could hardly rebut.  From that moment on, I started working on it and the work is in good progress.  The retreat I went to was my first and unhopefully the last.  I had attended numerous spiritual talks and they were no different from the recent retreat I attended for 3 days and 2 nights just three days back.  But the big difference is that my heart has grown fonder than anything else in my lifetime on those days I really had not just fun but also an adequate portion of what philosophers have tried to define so flowery called happiness.  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, from his book The Little Prince, says it so good that an essential thing is invisible to the eye and happiness is never an exception.

The nights were cold and at times I can't help to keep my body from rhythmical shivers.  Yet they were all compensated by the warm moments with someone the same way inevitable drama was compensated by laughter.  I did feel that the time during ONE moment when I was seeking for something essential froze for three hours to listen not just to the words coming out of my mouth but also to the thumps vibrating through my chest.  The moon was even full enough to flash a wide smile.  I can't even explain up to now why I am suddenly writing a style way beyond my range but all I can say is I'm now taking perhaps the most riskiest dive every man has to take.  And that is to plunge into someone's heart and though I'll crash face first, believe me, every single frame of the animated fall is the sincerest of my intention.

When I was in 2nd year HS, I was fond of writing poems and somehow my little craft in the English language started to boom not only because I found it enjoyable to mope for a moment before getting my pencil and a clean sheet of paper out of my bag and get the 'writing' started but also because my seatmate then was a German.  Not that this German girl, who soon turned to become a magazine model, was some kind of a poetry "aficionado" who influenced me to hone the craft I'm still enjoying up to now but simply because I could hardly speak to her using the language I've been comfortable at, which was of course, Tagalog.  So I can't help but just to talk to her everytime in English, even talking about personal stuffs and my craft not only in writing but also in conversing using the English language sort of developed.  The 'so-high-school' English campaign was of course not an exception.  But this isn't the point of this entry hehe I was just sharing that to unravel my real thoughts of this very moment.  Since they're kind of muddled.  And let me unravel further by sharing to you that I also do remember one of my best buddies from the same year who picked me as his personal editor of his own book(which was the ultimate project in our English class) and to admit I can't help my nose from bleeding everytime I was reading his pieces since believe it or not, he was writing a book which contained nothing but poems the same way Francisco Baltazar fashioned his Florante & Laura.  So I don't know if I edited his work well 'cause sometimes his free verse was becoming entirely futile since it just ryhmes without reason hehe.  And this equally silly best bud without him knowing somehow pushed a silly idea in my head NOT to attend those Math classes which I totally didn't enjoy and just go upstairs to the library and just read some Asian literature, especially the Chinese ones.  At that point, I was decided to take up a writing-related career in College.  So to continue my story, I wrote my own book and my English teacher who required us to make our own once whispered to me the sweetest words a typical and young 2nd year high guy IN me could never ever forget, "I like your Chapter."  From that point on, I almost forgot that I still had my flunking Math grade to work on and an examination permit yet to be secured hehe.  In other words, I was moved by what she said to me and I could hardly wait to write my next chapter.  Days progressed and on the day when my 2nd year was setting to be over, my English teacher asked for my consent if she could put my book into one of the racks in our library and I replied of course with my joyous yes.  And I remember just last semester, this English teacher who made me special years back and is now THE assistant principal asked again for my consent(through my sister who's now studying in the same highschool I attended to) if she could get one of my pieces from the book I wrote to put it in her own.  HER book that is.  Of course, who am I to decline?  Just don't forget ma'am to give me a credit hehe.  And how can I forget, it was also in the same school year when I first fell in love, not to the German model hehe but to a simple Indonesian girl whom I shared a mutual ground with.  But that's not the point of this entry hehe again I was just randomly sharing interesting things about me to unravel the muddled thoughts here in this very entry.  Hopefully just tossing off some of my stories into the OPEN would be a healthy way to snap back into myself and get directly into what my real point is.  Here's my opportunity, teacher Leslie, thanks really for making me blush before the class while I was getting my paper from you after you read out loud a line from the poem I wrote hehe.  And to the Indonesian girl who rebuffed me outright, I apologize I wasn't brave enough that time BUT God I don't even know what courage really is, where it would lead me this time.  'Cause sometimes an unfair life's saving grace is the "humor" innately coming from it where the brave and the coward spotlessly yield NO difference.  HAHA funny right?  And the man caught in this bewilderment tries to find a common denominator just to provide himself a quick answer like his bravery broke down 'cause he's stinking and cowardice dug a deeper hole because he's stinking.  The common denominator *drum roll please* is stinking.  But that's not the real point of this entry either hehe.  So here's the real thing, finally:

A Haiku is one of the most important form of traditional Japanese poetry. Haiku is, today, a 17-syllable verse form consisting of three metrical units of 5, 7, and 5 syllables.  Ok, I've just copied it from Wikipedia hehe.  Real thing is, a Haiku, just like a Sonnet, has followed a strict metrical pattern.  To those who believe in destiny, a Haiku or any form of poetry which goes along the cadence is very much like IT.  D E S T I N Y.  Where many say that everything is predetermined by Someone supreme just like a conventional poet who still adheres on the mantra that what "ryhmes" is cool.  That a haiku dances strictly with the beat of 5,7,5 nothing more, nothing less.  That a "good" poet considers nothing else but what has already been SET for a correct meter, or hence predetermined.  But sadly, people sometimes overlook the common ground of a poem and destiny.  And that is, both can be written by the hands of a FREE spirited man who has never washed the fiery passion down and who has kept on playing with words without any constraining pattern in a hope to bring about change, whatever that is   Maybe, just maybe, by trying to become a free verse poet who just jumps around from one point to the other with a big beam on the face just like my equally silly best bud, life itself would give you what you truly deserve.  I don't know where this best bud of mine  flew, but I wish the wind has brought him to a place where he's finally found himself.  A place like in the same computer shop along Lagro where we both killed time together playing Counter.

What a lame title haha

4 days back or if you're tired enough to count back, it was a Valentines Day hehe, a day when nothing sits on the fence, since it's either happy or sad, well perhaps except for the few(includes me), it was a bit neutral.  As I was waiting inside the tricycle for just one passenger to finally get it loaded and dash away, I can see Kay, my ultimate girl BEST friend/Zhang  Ziyi look-alike, heading towards the tricycle where I was IN and whispered to myself, "God, I need you."  Hehe.  Why is it when I direly need somebody to talk to, the best conversationalist ever, The Torch's editor-in-chief, and still the record-holder of my longest telephone conversation in my 21-year existence has kept on coming up?!  I, too, am feeling the creep haha.  Oh destiny, you're a lot creepier than the floaters in my eyes that might make me blind, really.  So we started our talk inside the tricycle amidst its noise by exchanging each other's updates.  She'll be graduating from PNU as an English teacher.  Of course, I shared to her the immortal topic of my delay hehe and how we both bonded in HS through our passion on writing.  Here's a trivia, I invited her to join the summer training to become a campus journalist and because she turned down the offer, I did turn it down too.  We had talked pretty long until I arrived at UST(it was about an hour).  Then she laughed the moment I professed how I NEED to love Math this time hehe.  I proceeded to ask how her relationship with someone special has been going.  And I was pretty amazed by the fact that she's been in a happy relationship for freakin' long hehe.  I then asked, "What's the secret?"  And I just found out that they both have substance, both are writers in their own way, and hence they're simply compatible.  If they have differences, perhaps I could assume they're just immaterial, even measly enough to sling back lighting fast into their common ground.  That's why in their "long" relationship, they only broke up once.  God, how I've wished to be in an ideal relationship like theirs.  I'm a self-proclaimed idealist.  If I want to be in a relationship, I so hope it should be the first and last.  As a guy, I CAN get myself involved into numerous flings, but that's just NOT my thing.  And this goes nowhere without saying that I've never been even tripped over a trap like the sweetness or the extra-attention given by a girl to me.  Thing is, it's plain hard to find your match.  I don't believe in being so "pushy" forcing the issue of love to prevail all over, because chances are, it wouldn't just kick in into your favor, no matter how pure your intention is.  My girl BEST friend just got so lucky ahead 'cause she's found her perfect match and I can't wait to sing for her wedding haha.  Sorry but sometimes it's just inevitable for me to put myself down, having blessed with perhaps everything but looks.  Here's a humor hehe, if it weren't for my pretty mother, I could have gone as worse as a f*ckin' ape haha.  I should've granted my lolo's grand request for his grandchildren to become a priest(trivia: my choice in UST was to take up Philosophy but I came up late to confirm myself).  Don't get me wrong hehe, I don't sound bitter 'cause I believe that the physical aspect doesn't matter or if it does matter, it matters least.  It's just that(to be plain honest and to share), my physical aspect has drawn me back countless times.  It's just inevitable.  In fact, they're laughing at my Prep graduation picture right now and my Mama has just told me that I should've taken the path of priesthood hehe.  *hey Ma, HAHA very funny *  To love is indeed to risk.  To risk your face for falling flat on the ground.  The only consolation though is that one could never run out of niceness to still give, no matter what.  And I end there.  To continue hehe, I encouraged my best friend to blog so that I can read her current style but it's just a thought for her as of now.  She brought up that she's planning to take up a Literature-related course after her graduation and then a thought came dashing into my head, whether or not I, too, will take up an Art-related course(music or literature) after becoming a CPA and thus giving up my original plan of taking up Law.  And that was it, we again went our separate ways and hopefully that creepy destiny will surprise me again in the future if I need her again for a talk.

2 days after Valentines, we had our Socio presentation about finding a significant other, dating/courtship, and whatever within its niche.  I sacrificed a day of "Ice Skating" bonding with friends to work on the script, not really a script, but more of the flow of the presentation(yet they followed the script anyway hehe).  It's no joke to work on it 'cause it took a LOT out of me to make our presentation 'creative' enough to become entertaining.  Remember my entertainment instinct hehe?  Before dwelling in front of the monitor and type out the punchlines and the mushy lines, I had known the TRADE-OFF.  What is it?  If I were too focused on making our presentation so bookish, it could have been boring but by making our presentation fun, our group somehow deserves a not-so-high grade.  So I didn't manage to balance things out and I fully chose to make our presentation "fun" and I closed my mind from getting a high grade.  The result?  As expected, a not-so-high grade, actually haha.  I put PEOPLE first(haha vote for me).  First, my groupmates are fun-loving people.  Zeenah and Susie are just very giggly.  Peter, Bobby, Kwebs(the master himself), and I aimed nothing else but to set a comical ambiance.  And as a script writer, I don't want them to frown at me 'cause writing a serious script would really NOT make them, THEM.  Gets hehe?  Second, WE want to make people laugh.  Well, it turned out heartening for me to see them all beam and ridiculously asked myself in a mildly-arrogant tone, "What had been a grade for if we would just devote whole our time saturating the class by discussing that love revolves NOT around one's fertility?"  Goodness!  Hehe.